Friday, May 18, 2012

Rockin' Date Night

For Those About to Rock...Please Puke the Other Way

My husband and I love rock concerts. Heavy Metal, Hard Rock--we love music where the bass is so loud, it pumps your heart for you. Where mosh pits offer up more chipped teeth than an NHL hockey game, and the band will actually call you out if you happen to sit at any point during their face-melting onslaught.

Mike and I have attended rock concerts together for over two decades.  (Full list at the end of this blog.) Together, we've seen over 25 bands--some of them multiple times.

We have enough concert tees to make at one kick-*ss (and all black) tee-shirt quilt.

Recently, my husband bought us tickets to the 98 RockFest in Tampa, cleverly supporting my goal of injecting more fun into our date nights together. And because I want you to rock your  Happily  Ever After, I have compiled these concert rules from my years of attending rock concerts. You're welcome!


1. Wardrobe: Wear black. Preferably a concert tee from the band to show you're a real fan. However, don't buy the tee-shirt there, and put it on over what you wore to the concert. Because then you look like you're trying too hard. And you're so not fooling anyone.
  • Stripper clothing is a rock concert staple. Seemingly for every body type. I've seen fishnet stockings restrain massive amounts of cellulite--it's like beholding a wondrous concert night miracle.
  • Only wimps wear ear protection. Part of the rock experience is partial deafness. If you don't have a few hours of tinnitus after the show, you didn't rock hard enough.
  •  If you have a tattoo or piercing (besides your ears), it is expected that you will wear something that reveals that body part. Just to show how bad-*ss you are. 
2. Smart Phone Musts: Bring your cell so you can take your picture at the concert and immediately post it to Facebook. Before you go, upload the flashlight app,too. That way you'll  find your freaking keys when you drop them trying to get your phone out so you can update your Facebook status.

3. Head-Banging: I've never been a very good head-banger. Some people thrash their heads around and look cool doing it. Me...not so much. Do it in front of a trusted, sober friend before trying this at a concert.

4. Being Groped &/or Cat-Called is part of the experience. Apparently. Happens to me every damn concert. You'll just be winding through a crowd of people and bam! Someone grabs your *ss. I used to get really offended. But now that I'm over 40, I try and take it as a compliment. Oh, I still turn around and try and catch the offender, my ninja hands up. But now I keep in mind that the alternative--when nobody wants to grope you because  you're too old and gnarly--might be worse. 

And finally, the most important rule of them all...

Age doesn't matter on this one. At 98RockFest, a 60 year old in front of us had 12 too many brewskis. He'd already broken so many rules, I should have known he'd make this last infraction something of a finale. He wore a plain, dark blue tee-shirt that covered up most of his faded upper arm tat, and jeans so crisp, you could smell "Eau de WalMart" rows away.

Clear infraction of Rule #1.

He had no cell, and his head-banging looked more like he was slowly agreeing with a silent conversation. Which, considering his state of intoxication, was probably the case.

Rule 2 & 3--broken.

I gotta give the guy credit for Rule #4, as he was ardently groping his girlfriend (gaggingly his younger by a good 15 years). But I could've misconstrued his lascivious intent. He may have been searching for a hand-hold as he swayed on his geriatric feet, and her *ss provided ample leverage.

And Rule #5. He waited until Shinedown's ballad, "45" for that one, the old romantic! Lucky for the  SweetTart he was with, he gave her one last butt-squeeze, and then leaned over the seat in front of him. Shinedown was loud enough to drown out the retching as he yarked his guts out.

His girlfriend turned to us, grinned and shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "It's a rock concert. Whaddya gonna do?"


The puke cascaded harmlessly down the two empty blue stadium seats in front of him--incidentally, the only two empty seats in that row. Another rock concert miracle! And the guy kept the most sacred of all rules:

5. For Those About to Rock...Please Puke the Other Way.

Rockin' my Happily Ever After,

Want to see another amazing Date Night Idea? Click here for Date Night/Fight Night.

Curious to compare your rock concert attendance with my own? Click on the "more" below and check out previous date night concerts we've attended.

So, let's compare date night concert notes. Here are:
Concerts We've Attended Together:
Godsmack (4 times); Disturbed (4 times); Metallica (2 times); Avenged Sevenfold (2 times); Staind; Shinedown; Puddle of Mudd; Seether; Three Days Grace; Sevendust (my daughter had a CD signed by the band!); Bullet for my Valentine; Evanesence; Halestorm (2 times); Five Finger Death Punch; Static X; Alice in Chains (one song--we had to leave for the babysitter); Limp Biskit; Hellyeah; Hollywood Undead....And now I'm daitng myself here, but we've also seen: Van Halen; Guns-n-Roses; Faith No More; Collective Soul; Whitesnake; Faster Pussycat.

And Just So You Don't Think I'm One-Dimentional:
I've also attended (without Mike): Billy Joel (twice), Bryan Adams (twice) and....wait for it....Josh Groban.  :)

And just so you don' think Mike is one-dimentional....well, in terms of music, he is. I have neither the space nor time to list out all the bands he's seen. He's been to a million OzFests, which brings in dozens of bands. But...he's also attended a Miley Cyrus concert! He took that bullet by himself, accompanying our oldest daughter and her friend. Now, that's the sign of a great dad!! :)

No comments:

Post a Comment